McKee's McThoughts: Trouble in Skier City

At the risk of complete dependence on a missed reference, McThoughts offers the following entertainment with full apologies to Meredith Willson, composer of The Music Man, and to Robert Preston, who played professor Harold Hill on stage and screen:
AT THE RISK of complete dependence on a missed reference, McThoughts offers the following entertainment with full apologies to Meredith Willson, composer of The Music Man, and to Robert Preston, who played professor Harold Hill on stage and screen:

Trouble in Skier City.

Friends,
    Either you are closing your eyes to a situation you do not wish to acknowledge, or you are unaware of the caliber of disaster indicated by the present junior drop-out rate in our sport.
    Well, you got trouble my friends.
    Trouble right here in Skier City
    Why sure I’m a skiing man, mighty proud to say I’m always mighty proud to say it. I consider that the time I spend with my feet in the boots is golden. Cultivates surface sense, a clean arc and a sharp mind.
    Did you ever try to find an iron-clad line for yourself on a three gate off-set flush?
    But just as I say it takes judgment, brains and maturity to score in any FIS timed game. I say that any rube can turn his ski at a pole. And I call that sloth the first big step on the road to the depth of derogation. First a need for a helmet, then a footbed orthodic.
   And the next thing you know your son is talking to a fellow in a spiderweb suit. And listenin’ to some big out-of-town jasper here to talk about point bonanzas. Not a wholesome club race, no. But a three-day, two-night series.
    Get the skis in the Tahoe, confirm WiFi, waxing bench and workout room. Never mind chasing any scholarship till your parents are caught with full tuition on the eve of class. Trouble. Yes, you got lots and lots of trouble. I’m talking about the kids in the Under Armour, shinguarded young ones. Peeking in the window of the future after school. You got trouble.
    Trouble right here in Skier City. Trouble with a capital T and that rhymes with C and that stands for cash.
    Now friends, let me tell you what I mean. You got one-two-three-four-five-six qualifiers for JOs, qualifiers that mean the difference of an invite to a national camp.
    With a capital C and that rhymes with ski and they might need to be new.
    Now I know all you folks are the right kind of parents. I’m going to be perfectly frank. Would you like to know what kind of conversation goes on while they’re loafing around the lodge?
    They’ll be calling coach on the cell, uploading training clips, using up Floras like daddy was the wax rep and, braggin’ all about how they once beat that fast kid from up at the academy.
    Oh we got trouble. Trouble right here in Skier City.
    Citizens of Skier City, heed this warning before it’s too late. Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption. Does the coaching staff capture every run on video? Is there a need for a new base structure for spring snow? Is the computer used more for filling the Ipod or for school on the go? Is he starting to memorize runs from courses he’s never skied?
    Well if so my friends. You got Trouble.

No point was made in the creation of this column.
Drago Grubelnik makes my All-Name Team.