Disappointment Is a Good Thing
As parents, you hate seeing your children disappointed. Their sadness weighs on them, and your heart aches for their pain. You want to do everything possible to relieve them of that disappointment. But that would be a mistake.
Disappointment may feel bad, but that doesn’t make it a bad emotion to avoid at all costs. Instead, it plays a crucial role in a child’s pursuit of ski racing—and any other goal. If parents and young racers understand how to use disappointment as motivation, they can push their children toward a strong finish to the season and set up a productive preparation period for the next one.
Disappointment vs. Devastation
Disappointment is the most immediate negative emotion racers experience after a perceived failure. It brings feelings of thwarted desire, loss, and discouragement when expectations—either their own or others’—go unmet. When children fail to achieve their goals, they feel disappointed.
Some children react more intensely with devastation. Devastation amplifies disappointment, making setbacks feel overwhelming and paralyzing. Children who struggle with devastation lose motivation, reduce effort, and may even quit. This extreme reaction can damage their confidence and lower self-esteem, ultimately preventing them from reaching their ski racing goals.
A short period of disappointment is normal. But when children mope around, seem demoralized, and dwell on failure for too long, it becomes a problem.
Don’t “Protect” Your Children From Disappointment
When your child feels bad after a disappointing race, your instinct may be to make them feel better. Distracting, placating, or soothing them may provide short-term relief, but it does more harm than good.
Allison Armstrong explains it well:
“Many parents today try too hard to smooth away life’s rough edges in the hopes of keeping disappointment at bay. Children with no experience solving life’s little setbacks have a much harder time when they’re faced with the big ones.”
If you constantly protect children from disappointment, they won’t learn to process their emotions or understand how to overcome failure. Instead of immediately offering comfort, let them sit with their emotions and ask themselves, “Why do I feel bad?” and “What can I do to get over this?”
Rescuing them from these feelings may also send the message that they aren’t capable of handling setbacks on their own. Instead, give them space to work through their emotions, so they build the resilience needed to tackle future challenges.
The Right Attitude Toward Disappointment
Disappointment is a normal part of ski racing—and life. Children will experience it in school, sports, friendships and beyond. How they respond to disappointment determines its impact on their future success and happiness.
Encourage them to view setbacks as opportunities to grow. Shift their perspective:
“I know it feels bad right now, but what can you learn from it?”
This approach helps them develop resilience, motivation and confidence.
After a setback, children naturally feel let down. But they must pick themselves up and get back on track. As a parent, stay positive and enthusiastic. Show them that failure doesn’t define them—it’s how they respond that matters.
Instead of letting disappointment dishearten them, help them see setbacks as proof of their ability to overcome challenges. If your young racer struggles to improve in slalom, remind them that plateaus are common in ski racing. Improvement often comes in phases, and perseverance leads to breakthroughs. Express confidence in their progress and encourage them to keep working.
How to Respond to Your Child’s Disappointment
Your attitude and emotions toward your child’s disappointment shape how they handle challenges. Treat disappointment as training for adulthood.
As Armstrong puts it:
“Childhood disappointment is actually a practice lap on the course to adulthood. If you run interference whenever disappointment threatens, you’re setting kids up to run a marathon without ever letting them train for it.”
Teach them that failure and disappointment are part of life. What matters is how they react. Reinforce their belief in themselves:
“Life is full of setbacks, but if you keep working hard, I know you can do it.”
Most importantly, don’t let your own frustration compound their disappointment.
Ways to Support Your Child Through Disappointment
- Don’t dismiss or downplay their feelings.
- Offer empathy instead of trying to soothe them.
- Let them express their emotions.
- Help them see the experience from a different perspective.
- Guide them toward solutions to overcome setbacks.
- Remind them that setbacks are temporary and success comes with effort.
- Give them a hug, tell them you love them, and move forward.
About the Author: Dr. Jim Taylor
