I received an email from the father of a 14-year-old boy who has decided not to continue his ski-racing journey. He wrote, “I am feeling super challenged this year with the transition (and honestly, it’s my ego getting in the way). Just wondering if you have any advice on how to transition out.”

His message reminded me of the challenges I faced when my daughters chose to leave our sport to pursue a “normal life” a few years ago. His email inspired me to share my thoughts with him in this article.

When we decided to get our girls involved in skiing so many years ago, despite my background as a moderately successful ski racer at Burke Mountain Academy, Middlebury College, and the University of Colorado (my saying is, “I competed against the best in the world…but they weren’t worried about me.”), my goals for them were modest: to be active, to be outside, to share a family activity, and to become capable skiers. Anything beyond that would be icing on the cake.

We followed the usual path, going from being a “skiing family” to a ski racing family. We got them on skis by age three, made the interminable drive from San Francisco to Tahoe every weekend, joined the Sugar Bowl Ski Team, bought a cabin near the ski area, and had them attend Sugar Bowl Academy. But, as they headed toward high school, both of my daughters realized they didn’t have a real passion for ski racing and wanted a more well-rounded high school education.

So, though a difficult decision for each of them, my daughters chose to end their ski racing journeys. Both have some regrets about giving up something that had been a part of their lives (and still a big part of my life) for as long as they could remember. I am thrilled for my older daughter, who will return to ski racing this winter as a college club race team member.

My Advice to This Father

1. Allow yourself to grieve.
   I certainly did because ski racing was a huge part of my life as a racer and mental coach. Understand that you were a big part of your child’s ski racing journey. You invested a lot of time, energy, and money to support their involvement in our sport (hopefully happily and for the right reasons). When you allow yourself to grieve this loss in your life, you allow yourself to slowly say goodbye and feel sad about the loss. At the same time, you can come to appreciate the experiences you and your family had and put the journey into perspective; just one step in the evolution of your child and your family.
2. Recognize that it is your child’s life, not yours, and respect their choice.
   I had to keep telling myself this because I wanted my girls to gain all I had experienced by staying in our sport well into young adulthood. At the same time, I understood that the journey was theirs, not mine, and they must make these difficult life decisions on their own.
3. Remind yourself of all the incredible life lessons your child learned from ski racing.
   These lessons will help them find happiness and success in other areas of life. Motivation, confidence, focus, resilience, and perseverance are just a few powerful mental tools that ski racing can teach young people.
4. Reflect on all the indelible memories of your being a “ski racing family” (and now back to a skiing family).
   When I reminisce about raising my daughters, some of the most wonderful and touching recollections I have are of watching my girls ski, train, and race when they were young.
5. Appreciate that you have given your child the love of a lifetime sport.
   I don’t know many adult pole vaulters, but many skiers raced as children, and our sport became a central part of their lives as adults, just as it did for me.
6. Remind yourself why you initially got your child into ski racing.
   Hopefully, it wasn’t about making them World Champions (a statistical long shot, to be sure). For me, it was to enable my girls to become good skiers and give them #3-5 above.
7. Cherish the fun you’ll have skiing with your child.
   How many sports are you aware of where parents and children can participate, even if there is a disparity between the kids and their parents (meaning the parents aren’t great skiers)? Honestly, the greatest joy of my life has been skiing with my daughters. I’ve seen how far they’ve come as skiers and, admittedly, I’ve felt immense pride in the people on the side of the trail and the chairlift, watching the three of us arc turns as we skied below them.

Giving your child the opportunity to ski race is a wonderful experience that will shape their lives in many ways. Whether they leave ski racing as a U14, an Olympic champion, or somewhere in between, their involvement in our fantastic sport is a significant victory.